The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus

The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus

In Baltimore there lived a boy
He wasn’t anybody’s joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes
His character was full of flaws.
In school he never led his classes
He hid old ladies’ reading glasses
His mouth was open when he chewed
And elbows to the table glued.
He stole the milk of hungry kittens
And walked through doors marked No Admittance.
He said he acted thus because
There wasn’t any Santa Claus.

Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying “Boo!” at little babies.
He brushed his teeth  they said in town
Sideways instead of up and down.
Yet people pardoned every sin
And viewed his antics with a grin
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes
“There isn’t any Santa Claus!”


Deploring how he did behave
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly
And Jabez left the funeral early.
Like whooping cough
from child to child
He sped to spread the rumor wild:
“Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn’t any Santa Claus!”


Slunk like a weasel or a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten
Whispering low to every tot
“There isn’t any no there’s not!”
The children wept all Christmas Eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared to hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez’ ribald mocking.
He sprawled on his untidy bed
Fresh malice dancing in his head
When presently with scalp a-tingling
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.
What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of “Don’t ” and “Pretty please.
” He howled “I don’t know where you read it
But anyhow I never said it!”

“Jabez ” replied the angry saint
“It isn’t I it’s you that ain’t.
Although there is a Santa Claus
There isn’t any Jabez Dawes!”
Said Jabez with impudent vim
“Oh yes there is; and I am him!
Your magic don’t scare me it doesn’t”—
And suddenly he found he wasn’t!
From grimy feet to grimy locks
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box
An ugly toy with springs unsprung
Forever sticking out his tongue.

The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes
Which led to thunderous applause
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.
All you who sneer at Santa Claus
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donder and Blitzen licked off his paint.

By Ogden Nash