Category: Miscellaneous

WENVOE VILLAGE HALL RAFFLE 2024

SENIORS BANKING

Shown below, is apparently an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it..
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public figure, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2.. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 9
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
And remember:- Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.
Geoff Nicholls

CHRISTIAN AID WEEK

CHRISTIAN AID WEEK
12th-18th May, 2024
Pushing Back Against Poverty

This year we heard about Aline from Berundi. Aline told her story of becoming homeless and losing the care of her children through no fault of her own. Following a course funded by Christian Aid she gained confidence and the knowledge and skills to slowly build up a wholesale food business and gradually increasing her income. She has now built her own home, has had her children returned to her, started a saving scheme with others, and has shared the knowledge and skills she has learnt with others in her village.

Aline’s example gave us the impetus for this year’s campaign, and as a result we are really pleased with the total for the week of £3,118.12. This includes a collection from St John’s Church in Sully, and gift aid on some of the donations. We had a very enthusiastic group of volunteers and I would like to thank all who counted envelopes, made and stuck up posters, hung bunting and flags, delivered envelopes throughout the village, decorated the church hall, made cakes, ate cakes, served coffee and tea and sold cakes, kept quiet for a day’s sponsored silence, took part in a non-uniform day at Gwenfo school, emptied the post boxes for donations, took part in the counting team emptying all the envelopes and counting each donation, to those who banked the donations, and those who validated the work of the counting team.

We are very grateful to all of you who donated throughout the week. We couldn’t have reached our grand total without you.

ANNUAL OXFAM MUSIC APPEAL

As regular readers of What’s On you may remember (you may not!) that I am a volunteer in the Oxfam shop in Penarth. My role is to price up everything music related. Last year was very busy with some great donations. Vinyl records made up 75/80% of the total music sales followed by CDs as the next best sellers. Thank you to everyone in the village who contacted me with donations. It is very much appreciated.

We are always looking for donations of all music related items – that includes vinyl records (singles, and LPs), CDs, sheet music, pre-recorded cassettes/ tapes, non-electrical musical instruments (in working order or broken) and music books. We are interested in music from any genre – rock, pop, classical, folk, jazz etc. We aim to obtain the best possible prices on donations. We also stock DVDs.

If you do not have anything to donate you could consider supporting Oxfam by popping in the shop if you are in Penarth – we stock a range of second hand goods as well as new fairtrade tea, coffee and crafts. You could even consider volunteering. There is presently a good team of volunteers but a number of volunteers retired during covid and we are still not up to full strength. Volunteers price up books, bric a brac and clothing, as well as serving in the shop. Sometimes a volunteer ‘specialist’ is required and I am aware for instance a philatelist willing to price up stamps is sorely needed.

If you have anything you would like to donate feel free to contact me nigelrbillingham@yahoo.co.uk or alternatively if you would like to arrange a pick up or speak to someone about volunteering please contact Caroline/Joe at the shop. Tel 02920706358.

Thank you.

Nigel Billingham (Oxfam Music Volunteer)