Quick Witted US Cops



These quotes are taken off actual police car videos
around the states: There are some mighty ‘quick
witted’ cops!
’You know, stop lights don’t come any redder
than the one you just went through.’
’Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re
new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.’
’If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your
birth certificate a worthless document.’
 ‘If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.’
’Can you run faster than 1200 ft/second? Because
that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.’
’You don’t know how fast you were going? I
guess that means I can write anything I want on the
ticket, huh?’
’Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m
the shift supervisor?’
’Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m
warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you
another ticket.’
’The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse
a cat or a dog?’
’Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.’
’Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
wife gets a toaster oven.’
’How big were those ‘two beers’ you say you
’No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used
to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets
as we can.’
’I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a
personal friend of yours. It’s good to know
someone who can post your bail.’
’You didn’t think we gave pretty women tickets?
You’re right, we don’t ………. Sign here.’