Love or Romance and Marriage – Arferion Caru a Phriodi
WELSH TRADITIONS 5
Love Or Romance And Marriage
Arferion Caru A Phriodi.
Most of the traditions associated with love, or courtship, and marriage in Wales have unfortunately died out but one or two are still practised.
Traditionally, when a young man’s eye fell on a young woman, he would not always approach her himself. He might well send his friend to ask her if she were willing to walk out with him. If her response was positive, the next step was for the young man to go ‘knocking’ – that is, visiting her at her home. He would wait until the family had retired for the night before daring to begin ‘knocking’ – throwing gravel or small pebbles at her window to let her know he was outside. If the girl was willing, he would then climb a ladder and go into her room through the window. The young couple would then spend the night cuddling and canoodling, fully clothed, on the bed – but not in the bed! In English, the custom was known as ‘bundling’. In theory, there was no sex involved – but who knows what actually went on! The lad made sure he left before the family stirred in the morning. This tradition had died out by the end of the nineteenth Century – under the influence of the Reformers, who maintained that it gave the Welsh a bad name!
When a couple had agreed to become a couple, there were different ways to demonstrate their fidelity. In some parts of the country, the young man would send his sweetheart a selection of nuts. In other parts, he would send her a sprig of hawthorn which she would return to him if his feelings were reciprocated. If she refused his advances, she would send him a twig from a different tree. So you can appreciate how important it was that everyone knew their trees!
I suppose everyone is familiar with the ancient love spoon tradition – when young men, as part of their courtship, would carve their sweetheart a wooden spoon. At first, the spoons were very plain and simple – but by the end of the Nineteenth Century, they had become far more intricate and highly decorated with different symbols. But it was not only spoons that were carved. Many museums and in particular, the Museum of Welsh Life at St Fagan, have many examples of these love tokens – such as a scoop for coring apples, a sheath for storing knitting needles, a kitchen implement for cutting biscuits, a spindle used in lace making, a bookmark and so on. By the beginning of the Twentieth Century, the most treasured love token was not carved in wood.It was a gold or silver jewel decorated with hearts, flowers, words and love birds. Sometimes, the young man would send a lock of hair with the jewel.
There were some interesting traditions associated with marriage also. After choosing his future wife, a young man often sent a friend – as a kind of advocate – to speak on his behalf to the young lady’s parents. In some areas, once the wedding had been arranged,
the ‘gwahoddwr’ (bidder), wearing a black hat, decorated with flowers and carrying a long staff – would walk around the area singing a traditional invitation song – bidding neighbours to attend the wedding and the wedding feast. He would also reminding them that they should repay any outstanding debts or favours to the young couple. In other areas, a ‘bidding letter’ would be sent to invite friends to the wedding.
On the day of the wedding itself, following tradition, a group of the groom’s friends would go on a ‘seek out’ to the bride’s home to accompany her on her journey to the ceremony. They would stand outside the house singing traditional verses, with the family inside singing their replies before she emerged. This is very similar to the tradition surrounding the visits of the ‘Mari Lwyd’ (Grey Mare) during the Christmas season. A poor family would walk to the church in what was called a ‘priodas draed’ (foot wedding). But wealthier families would have a ‘priodas fawr’ (large wedding) or ‘priodas geffylau’ (horse wedding) if they travelled on horseback.
When life was simple and lacked colour, to a very large extent, a wedding was an important occasion in a village – and all the inhabitants would join in the celebrations – especially in the wedding feast – where there would be plenty of singing and dancing. A special beer was nearly always brewed for the occasion.
Local youngsters always enjoyed a wedding day. They would often place barriers on the road or footpath – a rock, branches of wood or a rope – called a ‘cwinten’ – to try to delay the bride or groom on his or her way to the wedding. I happen to know that this tradition is still practised today in my home village.
This tradition is centuries old – and is probably pre – Christian – the remnants of the custom of setting the groom a number of tasks to complete before he won the hand of his sweetheart – a custom described in some of the eleven heroic Welsh medieval tales known as the ‘Mabinogion’.
Ann M. Jones
