{"id":8112,"date":"2020-08-14T23:33:09","date_gmt":"2020-08-14T22:33:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=8112"},"modified":"2020-08-14T23:39:01","modified_gmt":"2020-08-14T22:39:01","slug":"bring-back-tommy-cooper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=8112","title":{"rendered":"Bring Back Tommy Cooper"},"content":{"rendered":"

BRING BACK TOMMY COOPER<\/span><\/b><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"Phone answering machine message \u2013 \u2018If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026.. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat. off the top shelf. He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

Our icecream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doctor says \u2018I’ll give you some cream to put on it\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.<\/p>\n

\u2018My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Well\u2019, said the vet, \u2018let’s have a look at him\u2019. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, \u2018I’m going to have to put him down.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Why – because he\u2019s cross-eyed?\u2019 \u2018No, because he’s really heavy\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… <\/strong><\/p>\n

Ireland\u2019s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BRING BACK TOMMY COOPER Phone answering machine message \u2013 \u2018If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key\u2019. \u2026\u2026.. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat. off the top shelf. He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’ \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… My friend drowned in a bowl of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[334,128],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6cWjO-26Q","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":16581,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=16581","url_meta":{"origin":8112,"position":0},"title":"The Shepherd and the Songbird","author":"Alan Williams","date":"29th January 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"ARTICLES of GENERAL INTEREST THE SHEPHERD AND THE SONGBIRD Synopsis This story unfolds across two timelines. 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