{"id":8077,"date":"2020-08-14T11:29:18","date_gmt":"2020-08-14T10:29:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=8077"},"modified":"2020-08-14T11:29:18","modified_gmt":"2020-08-14T10:29:18","slug":"the-dead-duck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=8077","title":{"rendered":"The Dead Duck"},"content":{"rendered":"

THE DEAD DUCK<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A woman lays her very limp pet duck on the table in the veterinary surgery. The vet puts his stethoscope to the bird\u2019s chest and listens carefully. The vet shakes his head. \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry. \u201cAre you sure?<\/em>\u201d she says. \u201cYes mam<\/em>\u201d the vet responds. \u201cYour duck is definitely dead.<\/em>\u201d \u201cBut how can you be so sure?<\/em>\u201d the woman protests. \u201cI mean, you haven\u2019t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he\u2019s just stunned.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

The vet rolls his eyes and leaves the room. A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck\u2019s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck. He then looks up at the vet with sad<\/p>\n

eyes and shakes his head. The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room. A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and sniffs at the bird. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows and strolls out of the room.<\/p>\n

The vet looks at the woman and says, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, but as I said before, your duck is dead.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

The vet then turns to his computer and produces a bill. The duck\u2019s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150. \u201c$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!<\/em>\u201d she shrieks with incredulity.<\/p>\n

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry mam. If you\u2019d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it\u2019s now $150.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

THE DEAD DUCK A woman lays her very limp pet duck on the table in the veterinary surgery. The vet puts his stethoscope to the bird\u2019s chest and listens carefully. The vet shakes his head. \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.\u201d The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry. \u201cAre you sure?\u201d she says. \u201cYes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[128],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6cWjO-26h","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7725,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=7725","url_meta":{"origin":8077,"position":0},"title":"Dinner Party Authors","author":"Alan Williams","date":"6th June 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 This month, the Page Turners were asked to suggest which of their favourite authors they would invite to a post-lockdown dinner party and why. May issued her invitation to Jane Austen, author of \u2018Pride and Prejudice\u2019 and \u2018Emma\u2019, amongst many others. 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