{"id":6293,"date":"2019-07-30T17:59:53","date_gmt":"2019-07-30T16:59:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=6293"},"modified":"2019-07-30T17:59:53","modified_gmt":"2019-07-30T16:59:53","slug":"quick-witted-us-cops","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=6293","title":{"rendered":"Quick Witted US Cops"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>AMERICAN COPS<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>These quotes are taken off actual police car videos<br \/>\naround the states: There are some mighty &#8216;quick<br \/>\nwitted&#8217; cops!<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;You know, stop lights don&#8217;t come any redder<br \/>\nthan the one you just went through.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they&#8217;re<br \/>\nnew. They&#8217;ll stretch after you wear them a while.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;If you take your hands off the car, I&#8217;ll make your<br \/>\nbirth certificate a worthless document.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8 &#8216;If you run, you&#8217;ll only go to jail tired.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;Can you run faster than 1200 ft\/second? Because<br \/>\nthat&#8217;s the speed of the bullet that&#8217;ll be chasing you.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;You don&#8217;t know how fast you were going? I<br \/>\nguess that means I can write anything I want on the<br \/>\nticket, huh?&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I&#8217;m<br \/>\nthe shift supervisor?&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I&#8217;m<br \/>\nwarning you not to do that again or I&#8217;ll give you<br \/>\nanother ticket.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;The answer to this last question will determine<br \/>\nwhether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse<br \/>\na cat or a dog?&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a<br \/>\nplace where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton<br \/>\ncandy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my<br \/>\nwife gets a toaster oven.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;How big were those &#8216;two beers&#8217; you say you<br \/>\nhad?&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;No sir, we don&#8217;t have quotas anymore. We used<br \/>\nto, but now we&#8217;re allowed to write as many tickets<br \/>\nas we can.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;I&#8217;m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a<br \/>\npersonal friend of yours. It&#8217;s good to know<br \/>\nsomeone who can post your bail.&#8217;<br \/>\n\uf0a8&#8217;You didn&#8217;t think we gave pretty women tickets?<br \/>\nYou&#8217;re right, we don&#8217;t &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;. Sign here.&#8217;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; AMERICAN COPS These quotes are taken off actual police car videos around the states: There are some mighty &#8216;quick witted&#8217; cops! \uf0a8&#8217;You know, stop lights don&#8217;t come any redder than the one you just went through.&#8217; \uf0a8&#8217;Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they&#8217;re new. They&#8217;ll stretch after you wear them a while.&#8217; \uf0a8&#8217;If you take your hands off the [&#8230;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[128],"tags":[349],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6cWjO-1Dv","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":9426,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=9426","url_meta":{"origin":6293,"position":0},"title":"Good Feelings Books","author":"Alan Williams","date":"28th March 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"THE PAGE TURNERS The Most Funny, Uplifting, Joyous, Happy Books The lockdowns and government restrictions have led to a huge boost in the number of people reading. Readers have sought endless escapism from the unexciting, monotonous routines of day-to-day life in lockdown. As lockdown continued into March, Page Turners were\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wenvoe Page Turners&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wenvoe Page Turners","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=41"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":353,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=353","url_meta":{"origin":6293,"position":1},"title":"DVSA Scam Warning","author":"Wenvoeadmin","date":"3rd March 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The Driver and Vehicle Standards Authority (DVSA) is warning the public of scam emails asking you to find your receipt attached. \u2018We\u2019re aware that some members of the public have received emails claiming to be from the DVSA Fixed Penalty Office which contains an attachment to a Fixed Penalty receipt.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Latest News&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Latest News","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=70"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8343,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=8343","url_meta":{"origin":6293,"position":2},"title":"Parking Email Scam","author":"Alan Williams","date":"5th October 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Parking Email Scam Dyfed Powys Police are warning residents not to respond to a parking email scam targeting their residents. If you receive such an email do not click on the \u2018pay here\u2019 box or telephone the number. H M Courts and Tribunal Service are not sending out penalty charge\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General Interest Articles&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General Interest Articles","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=334"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5506,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=5506","url_meta":{"origin":6293,"position":3},"title":"Shifting Baseline Syndrome Explained","author":"Alan Williams","date":"31st January 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"So a new year and an opportunity for some New Year resolutions! Will we as individuals choose to make things worse, do nothing, or maybe, just maybe, do something to improve the environment. The choice is ours but what is clear is that within the parish if we do not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Nature Notes&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Nature Notes","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=49"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wenvoe.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Colby-Lodge-Robin.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14887,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=14887","url_meta":{"origin":6293,"position":4},"title":"Teamwork","author":"Alan Williams","date":"9th December 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"TEAMWORK It is good to read about the various Teams working on behalf of the Community in \u201cWenvoe What\u2019s On\u201d. I remember working as a member of a Shift Team at British Geon, part of the Distiller\u2019s Plastics Group of companies, based in Sully. It was 1962. I was a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General Interest Articles&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General Interest Articles","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=334"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7542,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=7542","url_meta":{"origin":6293,"position":5},"title":"Footsteps &#8211; Margam Park","author":"Alan Williams","date":"3rd May 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Margam Park Margam Park - We are going back to February for this month\u2019s walk, just a week after storm Dennis. The weather forecast was 40-45mph winds with rain later. This was enough for some of us to think that maybe we should be cancelling but we decided to give\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Footsteps&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Footsteps","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=38"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wenvoe.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/P1000351-10.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wenvoe.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/P1000351-10.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wenvoe.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/P1000351-10.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wenvoe.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/P1000351-10.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6293"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6293"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6294,"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6293\/revisions\/6294"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}