<\/p>\n
SENIORS BANKING Shown below, is apparently an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. <\/p>\n <\/p>\n SENIORS BANKING Shown below, is apparently an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[334,127],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6cWjO-3Qg","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7770,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=7770","url_meta":{"origin":14772,"position":0},"title":"St Mary’s Church Appeal","author":"Alan Williams","date":"30th June 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"ST MARY'S CHURCH WENVOE APPEAL Helping to maintain our historic church About St Mary's - The earliest mention of a church in Wenvoe was 1064. The present building is 12th century, added to in the 17th century and greatly enhanced in the 19th century. In 1991 the north transept was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","block_context":{"text":"Miscellaneous","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=127"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wenvoe.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Church.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3364,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=3364","url_meta":{"origin":14772,"position":1},"title":"May Letters to the Editor","author":"Alan Williams","date":"27th May 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 I would like to say a big thank you to the ladies of Wenvoe WI for their donations and the hard work they put in at our recent table top sale. We appreciate all the help from so many people, from those who hired tables to the kind gentlemen\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Letters"","block_context":{"text":"Letters","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=138"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6679,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=6679","url_meta":{"origin":14772,"position":2},"title":"October Council News","author":"Alan Williams","date":"28th October 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Due to the poor service from the present banker it was agreed to change to Santander Bank in future A meeting between the school, councillors and the Vale to discuss the proposed new parking proposals for Old Port Road during school start and finishing times is planned for the end\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Community Council News"","block_context":{"text":"Community Council News","link":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?cat=12"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4970,"url":"http:\/\/wenvoe.org.uk\/?p=4970","url_meta":{"origin":14772,"position":3},"title":"Meetings Schedule","author":"Alan Williams","date":"18th September 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 Our branch doesn\u2019t meet in August but some members enjoyed a summer lunch at the Wenvoe Arms on the 7th of the month. 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\n<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n
\n
\nThe bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times.
\nDear Sir:
\nI am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.
\nBy my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it..
\nI refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
\nYou are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account \u00a330 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
\nMy thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
\nFrom now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
\nMy mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
\nBe aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
\nPlease find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
\nI am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
\nPlease note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public figure, and the mandatory details of his\/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
\nIn due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he\/she must quote in dealings with me.
\nI regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
\nAs they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
\nLet me level the playing field even further.
\nWhen you call me, press buttons as follows:
\nIMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
\n#1. To make an appointment to see me
\n#2.. To query a missing payment.
\n#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
\n#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
\n#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
\n#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
\n#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
\nPassword will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
\n#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 9
\n#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
\nThe contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
\nWhile this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
\nRegrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
\nMay I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
\nYour Humble Client
\nAnd remember:- Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.
\nGeoff Nicholls<\/p>\n
\n
\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"