Bring Back Tommy Cooper
BRING BACK TOMMY COOPER
Phone answering machine message – ‘If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key’.
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat. off the top shelf. He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
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Our icecream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doctor says ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it’.
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
‘My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?’
‘Well’, said the vet, ‘let’s have a look at him’. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’
‘Why – because he’s cross-eyed?’ ‘No, because he’s really heavy’.
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Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night