Quick Witted US Cops
AMERICAN COPS
These quotes are taken off actual police car videos
around the states: There are some mighty ‘quick
witted’ cops!
’You know, stop lights don’t come any redder
than the one you just went through.’
’Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re
new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.’
’If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your
birth certificate a worthless document.’
‘If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.’
’Can you run faster than 1200 ft/second? Because
that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.’
’You don’t know how fast you were going? I
guess that means I can write anything I want on the
ticket, huh?’
’Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m
the shift supervisor?’
’Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m
warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you
another ticket.’
’The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse
a cat or a dog?’
’Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.’
’Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
wife gets a toaster oven.’
’How big were those ‘two beers’ you say you
had?’
’No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used
to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets
as we can.’
’I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a
personal friend of yours. It’s good to know
someone who can post your bail.’
’You didn’t think we gave pretty women tickets?
You’re right, we don’t ………. Sign here.’